Sexual harmony in a fattening world

See if any of these scenarios sound familiar:

Horndawg: hey
fatnesse: hey whassup
Horndawg: sup
fatnesse: not too much, yourself
Horndawg: cam?
fatnesse: excuse me?

Horndawg: c'mon, show that amazing gut

fatnesse: don't you want to like, chat, for a minute or two before requesting a cam?

horndawg has signed out (3/5/2011 1:57 pm)

----    ----   ----

Pregomeister: hey fatnesse
fatnesse: hey man

Pregomeister: how far along are you man?

fatnesse: huh?

Pregomeister: the baby.. its gotta be at least 8 months now, right?

fatnesse: oh haha, I get it..I look pregnant. cute.

Pregomeister: yeah man. i really want you to have my baby?

fatnesse: oh yeah? Interesting. Would that be a fat baby?

Pregomeister:  hells yeah. i want you to carry my baby. 

fatnesse: umm...okay.

Pregomeister: yeahhh hot man. so when you going to let me knock u up. 

fatnesse: ... ...
 
fatnesse has signed out (3/5/2011 2:35 pm)

----    ----   ----

Phantazzzy: hi

fatnesse: hello there

Phantazzzy: wanna rp

fatnesse: what?

Phantazzzy: role play

fatnesse: oh lol. like what?

Phantazzzy: idk...anything

fatnesse: can you give me a hint?
Phantazzzy: like, you can be my boss, who comes into my office, and gives me a whole bunch of work to do, and also says I am too skinny, and gives me a huge box of donuts, and makes me eat them while yelling at me. And then midway through the donuts, he brings in a huge pizza....wait, three pizzas... and says you gotta eat this too...so now I am shoving in all the donuts and pizza but I am getting sooo stuffed so then my boss, which is you, says to me...
... ... ... ... ...
fatnesse: umm ... ...

Phantazzzy: [this is where you act the boss]

fatnesse: oh. Hmm...this seems kind of impractical. I mean, what boss is going to run out and get all that food for an employee and make him eat it?
Phantazzzy: dude, its just fantasy. so what would the boss say to me...my mouth is full of pizza and donuts and I am getting soooo fulllllll....and now I'm lying on the floor, like a pig, and my shirt is up, showing my swollen fat gut. What does my boss say now??

fatnesse has signed out (3/5/2011 4:15 pm)

----    ----   ----

HogPigSwineFckr: hey fat pig, ready for me to stuff that greedy dirty mouth of yours, piss on you, crap on you, and fuck you senseless until you are filthy soiled disgusting piece of shit on the floor?

fatnesse has signed out (3/5/2011 4:20 pm)

----    ----   ----

So I've had all those conversations above, and probably hundreds more that are equally as peculiar. And this got me thinking. Here we are, with a common interest in fat, bellies, gaining and so on, but do we really share that much of a common sexuality? Sure, most of us are gay. And yes, most of us like bigger ... whether that's a few pounds, fifty pounds or five hundred pounds. Yet with every conversation I have, I realize that we really have very heterogeneous sexual appetites. It kinda makes you wonder, on top of being sexual minorities and kink minorities (i.e., gainer/fat interests), how can we possibly manage the myriad other sexual kinks, perversions, and alternatives of our community.

Let's consider some factoids. A conservative estimate is that about 5-10% of the general population is gay (an estimate which typically also includes lesbians, bisexuals, trans, and so on). So let's say, on the liberal side, that 5% of the population are gay males. This is a small percentage of guys to choose from, which means we are already starting with a small dating pool. Now, think about what percentage of gay males is into gaining, or fat, or chubs, or some variation of that. I think its fairly small, but I will be generous and say 5% of gay males. So that means that our dating/sex pool consists of one quarter of one percent of the population. I think that's a very generous number, but we'll work with that (I have had a few random encounters with civilians who were surprisingly into my belly, so perhaps the prevalence rate isn't so far off).

Now take that miniscule percentage, and that tells you what we have available to us as our sexual/dating pool. Think about it this way. Heterosexuals enjoy 90% of the population, which means straight men get to choose a sexual partner from 45% (actually more like 50%) of the total population. That's a hefty dating pool...no wonder they act so cocky and confident. So straight men get to date half of the human population, basically, and we in the beefy world get one quarter of one percent. Seems unfair right?

But it gets more complicated, as I alluded to above. What if, on top of our gainer/fat kink, you throw in other kinks, fetishes, or sexual persuasions? Talk about a shrinking dating pool. I can just see a Craigslist profile now:

Gay male, 30, into fat guys, guys who eat, guys who are gluttons; Also, want a guy into water sports, scat, humiliation, leather, bondage, role play, submission, slave. Must be d/d free, flexible, hosting, open, curious, and discreet.

Otherwise, I'm flexible.

----    ----   ---- 

No wonder its so hard to find love and sex in the gainer world.

Part of the reason I find all these additional kinks somewhat curious is because I don't really have any kinks other than the gaining one. I happen to be attracted to guys with pudgy midsections. If its a fit, athletic guy who starts gaining weight, then its even better. But the whole attraction to me is the fat belly, ass, lovehandles, and so on. But I find many guys that I talk to have additional kinks besides fat admiration/gaining. Some like role play, related to gaining or perhaps not. Another common kink with overlap with gaining is vore, presumably because a fat hungry gainer looks like he could devour people too. Others like S/M domination and submission, which may involve things like force-feedings, funnels, bondage, etc. A surprising number of guys like to be verbally demeaned, humiliated and insulted while they gain, being treated as the metaphorical pig they want to become. Some guys like all these kinky sexual acts like water sports, scat, toys, spankings/rough play, etc. Other guys have kinks that overlap with gaining/fat, such as foot interests, shoes, smelling pits/asses, jockstraps and other clothing, voyeurism, exhibitionism, frotteurism, and the list goes on and on. I'm sure I've only touched the surface.

I am not judging anyone into these interests or kinks. How could I? Who says fat worship is any more or less worthwhile (or deviant) than any other kink. But, I do think that the more of these kinks one has in their sexual wish-list, the more difficult it becomes to find people with similar interests with which to hook up.

Another interesting thing I've noticed is that, at least on the gainer websites I browse, there isn't much said about other kinks and interests. It seems to be pretty focused on the gaining/fat admiration stuff. That makes sense; it is, after all, who the website caters to. But I think having a section on sexual interests/kinks could be useful, especially if connected to a search function that allows people to find others with the same kink, in addition to gaining/fat admiration. Conversely, perhaps the same search function could serve to filter and exclude results of those kinks that one has no interest in pursuing.

What I have found is that many guys wait until they are face-to-face to disclose their other kinks and attractions. Its an interesting phenomenon. On one hand, I want to be supportive and not dismissive, especially if its something I'm really not into. On the other hand, I am a little annoyed that he didn't disclose it earlier, especially if he expects me to participate in his other kink(s). Perhaps like our gaining/fat admiring kink, we are afraid to reveal our secret desires lest we scare someone away?

Frankly, I've found it difficult just to keep track of everyone's unique desires when it comes to gaining/fat admiration. Do you like small, medium, large, or humongous bellies? Soft, squishable fat, or a belly so hard that a bowling ball would bounce off of it? Do you like a gut with some sag, wobble, and hang to it, or want it to stick out straight like a breast implant? Do you like your bellies hairy, lightly furry, or smooth as a baby's bottom? What's your opinion on moobs? Some guys seem to love them and can't wait to grow them, while others hate them. Even more controversial are stretchmarks, which seem to fall into a love-hate dichotomy. You'd think lovehandles would be highly sought in this community, but some guys are unhappy with theirs and wish all their fat would go to the belly. It seems our tastes are as diverse as the ways that men can expand.

So what does all this mean? Well, from a statistical standpoint, it means that the more kinks we have and insist on fulfilling, the narrower the dating pool. If you are feeling frustrated because you aren't meeting guys to hook up with, perhaps its because you are too restrictive in what you looking for, or require too many kinks to be met. And within the gainer/fat admiring community, there are certainly some kinks that are more popular (e.g., bloating, stuffing, role play) than others (BDSM, vore, mpreg, etc.) You might want to be more flexible in your sexual activities, rather than following a predetermined script. Be open to new ideas and experiences.

Importantly, attend to your sexual partner's reactions and responses. I find we often go into sexual experiences with our own agendas, and have little concern about our partner's needs and desires. Not only does this make you a selfish (and boring) sexual partner, but you will likely overlook subtle cues expressed by your partner which could double or triple your pleasure. A gentle touch, light kiss, a gasp, grimace, shudder, relaxation in posture, sigh, purr, whisper, or breath of air are all subtle signs that your partner likes what is happening. Allowing the sexual experience to be fluid and "follow" the subtle signs as they unfold can lead to a rich and exciting sexual climax. Ignoring them to position your own agenda can not only be disruptive, but ultimately much less satisfying. I'm not saying there isn't a place for all sorts of kinky activities in addition to our gaining/fat admiration kink in the sexual experience -- but just make sure it isn't a forced agenda that leads to alienating your partner.

And I really don't have a problem getting a little kinky in my online chats. But please, guys, let's exercise some manners. Small talk is actually a good thing, and engaging in some light banter and pleasantries for 10-15 minutes will not kill your erection. There's plenty of time to get to your sexual needs. Much like gaining, you will likely find your greatest desires by being patient and advancing slow and steady.