Fatnesse Travel: Treats & Travails

Within the past few years I’ve done some traveling for business or pleasure in which I was able to connect, more or less, with local beefy communities. I believe this is a vital ingredient to baking a successful community – that is, being able to meet one another in person. While it’s terrific that we can initiate and build friendships online, ultimately friendships must lead to direct, real-life contact if they are to flourish. The nature of these contacts is entirely up to the two parties. It could be as little as a coffee or lunch date, or a beer at a local watering hole. Or it could be more extensive, including feeding, belly rubbing, and so on. Either way, you know food and/or drink will be involved. 

The point is -- developing friendships hinges on real-life meetings. I suppose there are very rare instances of pen-pals who remain close friends for life and never meet, such as death row inmates and Antarctica researchers, but most relationships wither and die when there isn’t actual physical contact. The psychological literature on virtual relationships is still in its infancy, but the initial results indicate that virtual relationships are inferior to face-to-face relationships, and individuals who engage in virtual relationships report significantly less intimacy than those who engage in face-to-face relationships. In fact, those folks who engage in only face-to-face relationships (nothing online) report the highest amount of intimacy in their lives – which means there is clearly something lacking in virtual worlds. 

And in the case of the beefy community, the glue that binds us is literally visceral…and palpable. After a while, pictures and webcam sessions are simply not sufficient in sustaining a quality friendship. We need to see, experience, and feel each other’s presence.

In addition, the fact of the matter is that our community is too small (figuratively, not literally) to be satisfied with our local beefy offerings. We want to explore beyond those boundaries, and I would venture to guess that most in our community communicate with beefy members from around the country and world. And this is where beefy travel is so important.

I realize that some members of the community are only here to get off. As such, their participation is more like lurking, in which they occasionally log on, view some pictures, take care of business, and disappear again. My guess is they are the minority – or at least not participatory members of the community and therefore not central to this discussion. Rather, I am speaking about the active members of the community. These are folks who subscribe, post content, contact people, develop friendships, and eventually want to meet one another. It is to these beefy buddies that I direct this post.

So the goal of this post is to describe some of my observations in traveling around the U.S. (and to a lesser degree, some other countries). I wanted to describe my perceived sense of chubby acceptability in the destination, the degree of beefy activity (at least as it related to my travels), likelihood of actually meeting someone, and quality of meetings. This description is entirely qualitative and subjective. It is based wholly on my opinion and my opinions are as biased as the next guy. That said, I consider myself to be a pretty decent judge of character, personable, and fairly well respected in the gaining community. So it is from this vantage point that I make my observations.

Before I begin, a few caveats. First, as many of you know from my most recent post, I am happily partnered. The hubby and I mutually agreed to open things up in the past few years, which has allowed me the opportunity to explore my beefy inklings and urges. However, when we travel together, sometimes the opportunities do not permit me to split off from him to meet beefy buddies. I realize that taints my perceptions of beefy availabilities, because, in fact, I am the one who is not available. When that has happened, I try to make note of that below.

Second, my interests and attractions in the beefy community are focused – as I’m sure are most of my readers. I am not interested in meeting someone simply because he has a belly, or because he likes mine. A belly is attached to a body, and body to a head, and I tend to be interested in all those parts, especially the head. I also have some requisites, and this narrows down potential beefy buds. I tend to be attracted to guys who are sporting beginning bellies, especially those with an ex-jock look that includes some well-marbled muscle (see picture for an example). I also like the ex-twink body for the same reason…that previously thin, lithe body thickening out and sporting a nice emergent belly. I tend not to be attracted to really big guys, superchubs, etc., although conversation is always nice and I am happy to communicate with everyone in the community. I also do not consider myself a member of the “bear” community, nor am I generally attracted to bear-ish types, so these ratings do not include representation by those communities.

So, in my ratings below, keep in mind these caveats. For example, these communities may have amazing superchub or bear meets-and-greets, but I wouldn’t be there to witness it most likely. These ratings have more to do with the ex-jock/ex-twink beefy/ gainer/ admirer meet-ups.

And, before I get loads of flaming comments, let me state again that this rating scale is based on my actual experiences, the reports from my beefy friends from all over, and my travel observations. It is wholly subjective – and also subject to change. I liken it to the Zagat of beefy travel…and as you know, Zagat ratings are driven by the community. So if you want to chime in with your ratings and reviews, please do so in the comment section!

Fatnesse Travel Rating Scale (FaT-RS) (pronounced ‘Fatters’)

Belly Rating

          AMAZING beefy community: lots of members; region is accepting to bigger people, and members are committed to meeting up. Every gainer and their admirers should live here.

             DECENT beefy community: region is generally accepting to bigger people; good size of beefy community; and members generally committed to meeting up.

         MEDIOCRE beefy community: occasionally accepting but also conflicted; region may be intolerant of bigger people; small gainer community; members somewhat flaky about meeting up.

 

    ABSENT/highly conflicted beefy community: few members; region very intolerant of bigger people; difficult to meet up.

The Ratings

       

+1/2  New York City : As a New Yorker, I had to start my ratings here. And New York City generally ranks among the highest on my scale. For starters, the gay community here is huge, which means the chances of finding a gay gainer/ encourager here is much greater than elsewhere. Secondly, NYC has a LOT of restaurants -- about 35,000! That means you could eat at a different restaurant every day for almost 100 years. And with a few exceptions, most are very good. Yummm! What also makes NYC top the ratings is that, whether a native New Yorker or transplant, there is something about the ethos of the city that is results-driven. We like our stock market on the rise, our hot dogs served quickly, and our beefy buds right next to us to chat, share, and grab a hunk of gut. In general, I have found guys here are willing to meet, and will make it happen. I lowered the rating by a half-belly because NYC is also a fashion-driven and image-conscious city, and you do occasionally meet beefy buds who are too self-conscious to gain, or engage in self-loathing when they do gain. However, despite New York’s reputation as a fashion capital, it is also one of the most diverse cities. That means that whether fat or skinny, black or white, tall or short, or whatever your differences may be, it is all accepted here. A tour around the city shows lots of beer bellies on display, from Wall Street to Washington Heights. It’s the Big Apple for big bellies!

+1/2: Philadelphia As an eating city, Philly ranks among the best. Between steak sandwiches, chocolate covered pretzels, and delicious microbrewed beers, its hog wild for gluttony. Philadelphia ranks among the fattest cities in the U.S. A trip to any sporting event in Philly attests to the eating and drinking capacity of its residents. However, I have been surprised by the reticence of local beefy guys to embrace their bulk and proudly display it in person. Based on the boldness of the overly fattened guys at Phillies games, I figured I would see this beefy comfort level online and in person. Strangely, although Philadelphia is only 2 hours from NYC, I have only chatted with a few gainers/encouragers from there, and never met anyone in person. Could it be that beefy expression is a closeted one there? Based on the seemingly small community and disinterest in meeting up, I rated Philly 2 bellies, but added a half-belly because of the sheer gluttony spectacle that is available there. Pass the chocolate-beer-cheese-covered pretzels please.

+1/2  Chicago  Chicago is another All-American eating city. Deep dish pizza is the kind of stuff that warms the heart and expands the waistline. The residents have crafted their culinary world to conjure up words like “hearty”, “rich”, “delicious”, and “filling”, all of which are adjectives that denote calorie-rific dining. Something about those cold winters seems to encourage a sensible eating style which consists of heavy dishes that are very filling (and fattening). Strange, then, that during a recent visit I found several beefy residents resistant to meet and show off their wonderful food. A few beefy Chicagoans that I have chatted with over the years continue to oscillate between gaining (and clear interest in gaining) and losing (for fear of losing their “attractiveness”). Similar to Philly, Chicago gets a rating of 2 ½ bellies for some really terrific eating but hibernating beefy residents.

San Francisco San Francisco benefits from having a large gay community and liberal, accepting community, both of which are necessary ingredients to fostering a large beefy community. A search on the beefy websites will turn up a number of chunky fellas and their admirers in the Bay area. Although “twinks” are evident in any city, I find them less obvious in San Fran, with the norm toward to more average-looking guys, resplendent in flannel and beer belly. Add to that a bounty of good restaurants featuring international cuisine and you have the complete beefy recipe. My recent visit to the area yielded several prime opportunities for beefy meet-ups – and guys who were genuine about following through. They didn’t happen, but only because I was not available. But I was delighted to see how eager my friends there were to meet and greet. San Francisco’s beefy waistlines and attitudes seem as liberal as its citizens.

+1/2  Portland  Also visited recently, Portland is renowned for liberal attitudes, casual style, and delicious microbrews. Portland is not quite as big as San Francisco, but the beefy community seems surprisingly well represented online – suggesting perhaps a higher per capita beef count within the gay community there. Or maybe those burly boys to the north just know how to eat, drink and be merry. And did I mention the microbrews? So delicious and so plentiful. I think I gained about 5 lbs during my 3 day visit, and that was almost entirely from beer. However, despite having a few beefy buds there, none came out to play, thus lowering the belly rating by ½.  

Ft. Lauderdale – Miami  Many of you who follow my travels know I spend quite a bit of time in this area, and up until my most recent visit, I had never had a beefy meet-up – and in fact, didn’t even really know many guys in this area. The land of sun, surf, and Speedos seems to abhor beef. On the other hand, I have never seen so many fast food and chain restaurants in one location, and the heat of Florida pretty much guarantees little outdoor exercise and the need to drive everywhere – a perfect recipe for gaining. Every time I visit, I gain 5-10 lbs without even trying. But I am still waiting for the beefy community to bust out of their air-conditioned sanctuaries, throw on the Speedo, and get a big BIG tan.

Boston Beantown has some great food, especially fresh seafood, and delicious brews, and the cold winters almost guarantee some hibernation (and storage of blubber for said hibernation). However, I visited last winter and was surprised that none of my beefy friends surfaced for a meet and greet. Of those I talked to regularly, there was a real dissonance reported between wanting to grow a belly and feeling that they had to remain thin to be attractive to the Boston gay community. I guess it’s the same everywhere – but I was hoping for a bit more of that tea-party, revolutionary spirit in the beefy community there. *Sigh. Pass the baked beans and Sam Adams, I’ll eat them myself.

+1/2  Los Angeles Okay, so this rating is controversial, and I’m sure I will hear about it. I have been to LA twice, and none of the trips involved an attempt to meet up with the local beefdom. So this rating is based solely on my perception of how things are there – and I will let the local L.A. folks chime in on the accuracy of this. For both of my stays, it was impressed upon me that the gay community there was very much about image (read: thin) and health (read: tasteless food). I could be wrong – and I may be wrong – but these seemed antithetical to the ideals and aspirations of the beefy community. I added a half-belly to the rating because of the need to drive EVERYWHERE in L.A. – which I can only assume must add poundage despite all the gym effort to keep it off.

International

So in full disclosure, I haven’t been to any country for the purposes of the beefy meet-ups. I did travel to some countries simply for recreation, and while there I visually sampled the beefy merchandise. Also, I noticed that some cities/countries are well represented on the beefy websites. So I just want to offer some shout-outs to those places that might be worth checking out, beefy-wise. Feel free to let me know if I am accurate or missed any noteworthy locales.

London/UK: I have been seeing some major hotness coming from the British Isles on beefy sites, and met some guys who I would consider to be true friends. My hope is one day we will have an opportunity to meet up. Those Brits love their beer… and cream… and chips (fries)… and pretty much every fattening food you can think of. What I appreciate is that guys who decide to take the gaining plunge really carry through… and pack on the stones. Heck, you gotta appreciate a culture that weighs itself in stones (14 lbs), not itty-bitty pounds or kilos. While I can’t speak to the residents’ likelihood to meet up in real life, my guess is they would – minimally to share a few pints – and be happy to show off their beer and butter-enhanced goodness.

Ontario/Quebec: The folks up north seem to embrace their colder climate, love of hockey, and taste for beer and have truly embodied the beefy jock look. Every time I am on the gainer sites and see some new tantalizing beefcake, I am not surprised to see he’s from eastern Canada (or perhaps BC). Those guys know how to eat… and drink… and chop down trees. I haven’t had any beefy meet-ups with guys from Canada, so I can’t speak to that. I have noticed that some guys seem a bit reticent to head south of the border, even to proximal U.S. locales. Is this a provincial beefy phenomena? Are they measuring waist sizes at the U.S. border? Time (and your feedback) will tell. But a trip to Toronto might be well worth your time, both for a fun city to explore and fun bellies to tour.

Germany: My only time in Germany has been in the airports, and there was not much of a beefy scene to be seen, but online German beefcake is well represented. The land of “gutes bier” certainly knows how to consume said beer and is happy to show off the beer belly. I definitely need to schedule a longer stay in the country… touring the towns, sampling the beers …sampling the bellies…

Sydney/Australia: The Australians are also well represented on the beefy sites, and although I have never visited, I feel like I would be given a warm, vigorous, beer-thrust-in-my-hand welcome. Yet again we have a country that celebrates good beer, good food, and shirts that ride up. Add to that the sexy surfer appeal, delicious accent, and belly poking over that Aussie Bum, and it’s a perfect combination of beefy hotness. I just wish Australia wasn’t so darned far away. It the only thing that has kept me from visiting – many, many times.

Conclusion 

So here is the pilot version of my FaT-RS scale, and I hope it is useful and enlightening. I plan to make updates to it as new information becomes available and as my travels continue (San Diego up next -- represent!) Feel free to write your own comments below about your experiences and perhaps some of that will factor into my revised ratings. I am particularly interested in hearing about great gaining communities that I have missed or not heard about.